Bleughhh clouds.

I'm having a bleugggh day. Yes, it happens; not often, I might add, but when the bleughhhh cloud appears, it doesn't sprinkle a few raindrops, it pours a flood.

Reason? The clue is in the title of my blog: Nomad. I have been a Nomad for far too long, although the effects of having ever-evolving dwellings has until now been an aspect of my life that I have been comfortable and happy with. Greece: for a few summers. Leeds: for 3 years. Norwich and Australia: 1 year each. And now Canada. In each place, in each new 'home' , I have managed to find a grounding and a sense of belonging so that, despite these locations being devoid of family and old friends, I have made memories with new connections and have thus looked back on each living quarter with fondness. I fail to remember the times that I have been lonely, sad, sometimes inconsolable due to being without my mum and dad's affections, my nanna's sparkly blue eyes and my the knowing giggles that my brother and I share as we retell secret jokes. I fail to remember them but I know they were there; i just don't have the willpower to face the demons when there are angels to converse with. I like the sparkly, happy times in life. Don't we all?

But for the first time EVER, I feel homeless. I don't know how, for technically we have two homes: the house that we own, the building that we chose and watched grow from a shell to a shelter at the same rate as my tummy swelled for the first time with new life. The home that we walked into, bursting with the pride of becoming first-time homeowners AND first-time parents.Our new 3 day old baby girl nestled into my neck; the aroma of fresh paint, clean, cushioned carpet and the honey-breath of baby made it 'ours' in that instant. It was a marriage of everything new, that house. But we walked away from that place in search of pastures new. Canadian pastures whereby the grass was not expected to be greener but vaster.

We reached the vaster plains of North America and here we have the rented Palace; The Fort Of Canada, the house that marked our 1st year as immigrants and as owners of fresh, new, beautiful Pilkington skin; a 7 week old second daughter helping us to christen the place, to make it our own, make it family territory, make it a place for making memories.

But, as we struggle with the same financial fight that exists the economy-unwise-world around, neither place is nurturing. We are living in Limbo. We cannot seperate ourselves from England, a tie that we hoped to sever in our embarkment of fresh starts in Canada: the house that was once a source of memories made of baby milk and the buds of family life is now being riddles with the weeds of worry. Our home here, although thousands of miles away from it's English counterpart, is being diseased by the same anxieties; my husband and I are responsible for the upkeep of both nests but, in the grand scheme of things, we want neither. We want to plant our roots and watch the branches of our family grow upwards and outwards, strong and agile, but presently the small little blossoms of our children are being kept warm and dry but are hardly flourishing with all of the plans that their parents wish they could be sure of.

I am truly a Nomad for now. But, there's therapy in the written word and as I type, as I sit at my desk and hear my baby upstairs, gurgling and giggling at her Moomoo that lies next to her in her crib, it dawns on me that consistenvy, continuity, can help. Flourisment will come as the water subsides but when the bleugh- cloud pours what matters truly is that my babies are kept safe- just kept warm and dry. Wherever that baby girl may be- she will have Moomoo. Wherever my older little lady may live, she'll have her baby sister and her parents. They're safe.

And you know what? Wherever I may be, i'll have them. I'll be able to nurture them regardless of whether the abode around us is as stable as the arms that I can envelop my children in. I can wait a little longer for the Nomad title to disperse. I guess i'll just spend that time making memories.

Bleugh....be gone.